Are we really good listeners? It seems that we are more and more distracted by so many things that it’s amazing we still have our heads attached! If you want to be a better listener this should be a really great post to help you. And if you are already a great listener thank you for being you.
I decided to compile a list of pretty important and useful notes to help you be a good listener or hone in on that skill. Yes, it is a skill! Hope that you find them useful.
Becoming a Better Listener
(no magical order)
- Conveying understanding. It is extremely important for you to show the speaker that you are really a part of it. When it gets quiet for a moment feel free to let the listener know that you heard what they said by repeating some things back and a possible question for them to add more.
- Minimize interruptions. If you know that you are going to be listening for a bit show respect and let people know that you need time with the speaker.
- Ask open-ended questions. When you ask questions that require more than one-word answers it really can help the speaker possibly get more clarity on what they are talking about.
- Look for natural pausing by who is talking so you can interject.
- Back and forth. If the speaker wants your input on what they are talking about realize that there is a good time to talk and a good way to transition back into playing the role of the listener.
- Being a good listener doesn’t mean that you agree with someone it just means that you are there for them in the present moment. Try to have an understanding as to what the person who is speaking wants from you. Sometimes people just need to vent without receiving any advice.
- If you are planning on what to say while they are still talking that isn’t good because you won’t be giving them your full attention. Many times it’s quite obvious to others by facial expressions and other non-verbal clues. And once people recognize those then they are less likely to continue chatting.
- It’s ok to disagree with what they are saying but understand that you are there to listen first to and to get a better picture of what’s going on with them.
- Try not to force them to change their minds because it can cause them to get on the defensive which can ultimately lead to a misunderstanding and the whole point is for you to be a listener, not an advisor.
- Being a good listener really helps you connect with others around you. Additionally, it can help build relationships.
- If you really want to be an active listener to someone in their time of need please show them the respect they deserve. Don’t have your phone out or any other distractions surrounding you. Turn off TV’s or the radio playing or turn the volume down enough to where it shows that you are willing to engage with whoever is talking. Focus, focus, focus!
- To become a better listener you have to practice it. These days we have so many things that could potentially distract us. Notifications are the biggest culprit on our cell phones. If you are able to silence the phone then I think that’s a good idea. Even if you aren’t messing with your phone, just the sounds of notifications could make you want to look at the phone and interrupt who is talking. Also, even if you aren’t looking at your phone the speaker could feel bad that they are taking up your time.
- Be empathetic. Showing that you truly care goes a long way toward helping others feel heard.
- Be observant of the speaker’s body language so that you can also get more cues as to the mental state. What emotions are they visually showing? Tense, angry, frustrated, rushed, nervous, etc.. This will help you know how to show up better for them.
- Try to ask good questions and then be quiet. Stop talking.
- Get clarity and repeat certain things they have said so that for one you are really taking notes in your mind as to what they are saying and two they would feel you are present along the way.
- Be genuine with your hmm and ah responses. No one likes for people to just be pacified. At that point, it’s not worth even talking.
- Ask follow-up questions such as, “How did that make you feel,” or “How did you get to this point.” It helps the speaker expand more and that will give you more information. The idea of being a good listener is helping someone get things out and vent. If you are someone who is a good listener and someone who gives good advice then the dialogue will go back and forth more.
Conclusion
Listen, care, and be present if you want to be a good and effective listener. You got this!!!
