How do you feel about money? How do you feel about what you say about money around your kids? Growing up for me was a crazy rollercoaster of fear and love of money. It started way back in the 1980s. Yep, I was just a little boy, just trying to soak in and learn about the world around me.
My story like many during that time was filled with, “We don’t have money for that,” “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” “We can’t afford it,” and more. So me and many of my peers developed a potentially toxic view of money. We didn’t have it so we wanted it.
My mother was a hard-working single parent and she didn’t earn a lot. Not to sing a sad song because we actually didn’t go without, so it’s not like we were going to end up on the street. She was in the ARMY and had stable pay. We just didn’t have the top-shelf stuff. I can recall that we had all the basic things we needed. I did however wear my sister’s hand-me-down clothes. And that’s ok.
What we say to ourselves and to our children about money can and will have a lasting impression. I wanted to do better financially. It was my goal not to have to worry about money and not pass those concerns on to my kids. It seems I am still unconsciously worried about it though. Whether I have it or don’t have it it still seems to be at the forefront and I am doing my best to change the language. Many times we actually do have the money but tell our children that we don’t have it so they will stop asking. That is a mistake I believe.
As you grow up if you continually hear that you don’t have money all the time then you can start developing an unhealthy view of what it takes to earn, save, and spend money. To that point, I was always spending money like it was water. From my first job on. I didn’t even have a savings account.
I believe that perhaps I may have become a little bit obsessed with earning money. Most of the time I had two jobs and I was always working. Working to pay the bills and my expensive hobby in the motorsports world. I was never taught how to be disciplined with money and to make responsible decisions with it.
Then later in life, you have kids and for me, I believe I overcompensated for many years. I bought my girls all kinds of stuff. Their Christmas trees took up more than half of the living room and it was just two girls. Who needs that many gifts? I mean for real. Box after box after box of needless materials. Don’t get sucked up in the material world. Do yourself and your kids a favor by making sure to invest in experiences. Money can buy happiness but do understand that that feeling isn’t sustainable.
That was my fault that I overcompensated though. It was my choice, but I had to learn what had happened to me as a child. Again, I believe hearing that we never had any money to do or get things caused me to shift to the opposite end of it and try to live a life of excess. These days I understand the value of a dollar and I really don’t bother too much with all the excess. It’s the experiences for me that make me the happiest. Seeing new lands and exploring our beautiful world with my girl and that is where it’s at!
Conclusion
Pay attention to what you say. Are you telling your family that you don’t have money? Even if you truly don’t have it for your kids you can always change the verbiage. Maybe something like, “It’s not in the budget right now,” or something similar. We have to change our mindset and understand that what we say to ourselves and to our children can have a lasting impact on how they associate with money.
Question
Did your parents tell you growing up that they didn’t have the money for a lot of things? How did it turn out for you? Let us know in the comment section below.
