Sometimes we can’t avoid conflict and that can be very frustrating. Luckily we have some ways to better get through the situation with conflict resolution. I personally don’t like getting into heated conversations because it just doesn’t feel right being angry or upset.
In conflict, we usually try to convince the other person that we are correct. We all have our own opinions on things and when we feel we are right we just plant ourselves in place and want others to see our view. When we have differences in opinions we need to try to remain judgment free and stay open-minded.
More importantly, we need to not get on the defensive because when we do we kinda shut ourselves off unintentionally. If we seek to resolve then of course all parties need to be open. Our job is to come from a safe space and minimize counterproductive comments and statements.
Stay away from instigating and saying things like, “You always think you’re right.” That does nothing to resolve things. It only causes the other person to get defensive and want to fire back an insult and then it becomes a “tit for tat” type of scenario. No one likes to look bad.
We should do our best to try to make them feel heard. To do that we need to be open-minded and listen to them. Like truly listen. You can respond by saying things like “That is valid” and “I understand.” Please be honest with them. Additionally, avoid the sarcasm. That’s another thing that is very nonproductive.
Respect goes a long way towards conflict resolution. If I truly feel respected I am more likely to stay open-minded. Respect is a two-way street and you want to find a common ground. The whole, I talk, you talk thing. If the person you are having the conflict with is someone you don’t know well, you can always try to set some ground rules without being bossy or trying to take the lead.
You can explain that you would like to resolve the conflict but you want to be able to be heard as well in a nonjudgemental type of way. Be honest with the other person and explain that you value them and want to have a peaceful solution. Positive vibes only!
Really try to avoid saying, “you.” Try to use “I” instead. A good way is to state your emotions. (I feel…) When you say, “You don’t listen” that is a bad strategy for resolving conflicts. It may be tough at first but you will start understanding the value.
A big part of conflict resolution is learning how to compromise. We all like winning but at the end of the day, you may realize that it’s just not worth it. More than likely the conflict at hand may even be trivial.
Try to come up with an acceptable agreement. Easier said than done I know. Pay attention to nonverbal communication. Feel out the body language. When someone has their arms crossed during the dispute there’s a fair chance that they don’t want to budge and probably aren’t really taking in your viewpoints. I am rooting for ya!
Bonus: it’s ok to apologize. “I am sorry I didn’t understand what you meant by it.” You can also say, “Thank you for clarifying.” Additionally, sometimes using humor can lighten things up, but be very cautious of your audience.
Conclusion
To resolve conflict there first must be willing parties. If you have both parties that are open to resolving then you are good to go. On the other hand if one has no desire then you will be wasting your time. Time is valuable!
