Stop putting others before yourself. Putting others in front of yourself has a way of taking a toll on your general wellbeing. Never would I ever have thought that this could be true. For as long as I can remember I was a people pleaser. I loved helping others and always tried to make a difference wherever possible. Sadly in most circumstances, my desire to make others happy outweighed any of my own wants or needs. I didn’t realize that I would constantly forego my own things.
I was the first one to volunteer to help others out and always the first to arrive. Soon after, people seemed to catch on to my willingness to lend a hand, and before you know it my phone would ring off the hook. People calling to see if I could help them move, borrow my truck or tools, and everything in between.
I was being used
Later on, when I had my own small gig of customizing vehicles, it went from phone calls to people just showing up for a hookup and help with their cars and trucks. The sad stories of them not having any money to pay for installations were overwhelming. Yet they oddly always had the most expensive equipment. I was a sucker.
Thinking of others first became my signature move. This for many is a way of life and many years can pass without taking care of yourself first. Putting others in front of yourself will leave you feeling empty inside in the long run. The need to feel needed gives a false sense of being and self-worth. With additional diluted promises from others can leave you feeling like you are chasing a carrot on a string.
Stop the cycle and understand that you matter. You matter very much. Sometimes we truly have no idea that we even do this or possibly don’t want to own up to it. It’s important for you to recognize these tendencies so you can create newer healthy habits for yourself. It’s ok to say no to others. You will have to create a new state of mind. Guilt will have to take a backseat from now on. Or better yet just let guilt out at the next stoplight!
Always be kind to others
It is ok to be a kind-hearted soul and that’s the way it should be, however not at your detriment. Learn to put the brakes on quick decisions to help others. Think about it first and reflect on the situation overall. How many times have you just completely stopped what you are doing to go assist others? The trick to this is to actually start wanting to do things for yourself. Go on a trip, pick up a hobby, or get back to that cool project that’s been sitting in your garage untouched for years. Don’t put yourself last.
Some helpful tips on how to get this going in the right direction
-Say no to whatever comes your way during your time and stand your ground. If you have a good and healthy routine (which by now you should) stay true to it.
-Don’t open your mouth to suggest and volunteer yourself to that big task someone eagerly wants you for. You aren’t being selfish.
-Realize that your time has value. To yourself.
-Make note of the people that are in your life and are important. You will need to learn who the people are that truly value you for who you are and not what you can do for them. If you feel the same about them then these people are keepers.
-Start discarding the unhealthy relationships that don’t compliment your life. Meaning get rid of the people that only communicate with you for serving their purposes. (you know who they are, stop lying to yourself) When was the last time they called or messaged just to say hi? Probably never, huh? Let them go.
-The whole two-way street means that others don’t disappear when you need a hand. Do some soul searching.
-Get up and go do something nice for yourself. Seriously just go do it. Even if it’s by yourself.
Conclusion
Constantly tending to others before your own needs is unhealthy in the long run. Years and years of this can create depression. The depression that is created is a result of neglecting your own personal needs. You need to be happy internally first and foremost and then you can help others. It is ok to say no to others. Get back to you first so that you won’t have regrets later in life.
Getting lost in people-pleasing can take a toll on your mental health and wellbeing. Do you agree, yes or no? Why do you feel that way?
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